CONGRATULATIONS DARLINGS, WELCOME LOSERS AND CRUISERS! GRÜEZI TO MY SWISS FANS AND A KISS OF THE HAND TO MY FRIENDS IN AUSTRIA!
The fact that you are visiting my homepage identifies you as a member of my worldwide community of intelligent, sensitive and culturally aware people.
Indeed, I feel very proud of my wonderful fans, whatever their cultural background may be.
And whenever emails are dropping in or when I perform my divine entertainment shows I realize the variety of my huge following: good looking people from all kinds of religion, skin colour, hair colour, size or sexual orientation - here in Germany and in the rest of the world!
To all those who are new to this site; watch out! I'm the original, all the others are fakes! And that makes all the difference...
The Désirée Nick Fan Club is well on the way to spread out worldwide, for I'm far more than just the first German jungle queen in the coolest show in the world - I'M A CELEBRITY - GET ME OUT OF HERE! Okay, so cry-baby Rossi has since replaced me after my three-year term on the throne, but then he's not a woman - despite his vain attempts to make us believe otherwise. When Ross Anthony is sitting on his own in the sauna, then it's automatically a “mixed” community - but still, a worthy successor to me as queen of the jungle has yet to be found; and that's why my fans are always telling me, “you're such a damn strong woman - I wasn‘t aware you have got such classy Ladies in Germany! And your brilliant sense of humour - I never knew there is such kind of thing known to the rather plum Germans...und now Eva Brown makes us laugh our head off”
Thanks to you, people from China, the USA, Great Britain, France and Italy, hola Espana, hi Scandinavia - I am so grateful you keep visiting my page and having a nice discreet wank from time to time in front of your laptop! I appreciate it !
And a special welcome to the millions of fans in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, who have been behind my career for the last 15 years and have followed my efforts of social climbing from the very beginning. The prospects for the years ahead are stunning! So that's why I want to thank my fans with this new homepage, and I'm proud of the results of this virtual rejuvenation.
For I've survived 25 years in showbusiness - not yet brought down by the tabloid press like other international stars - poor Britney Spears!!! I'm still healthy and not anorexic like Paris Hilton (another imitation me, but thank god I am much older, so I got there first!), Nicole Ritchie or Naddel! And I'm not even a drug addict like my personal favourite Amy Winehouse! Thats what I call a genius - SUPERSTAR, but not the kind that's sold to us in Germany as the “next top model” or “popstar”.
And up till now I've only had ta very small amount of plastic surgery, less by far than Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez or Angelina Jolie.
But am I really as tough and as gorgeous as the world takes me for?
Well, at least I'm more gorgeous than I used to be, because I see aging as a progress! I don't get older, I get better, as you can see.
Those who don't know yet: I'm Libra with Libra in the ascendant, Leo constellations in the other houses, Venus also in Leo.
If every year had 15 months, then I'd be 33 by now.
So, the nerds amongst you can get calculating.
Perhaps my eternal youth and beauty are due to my own cosmetic line, “Oh!cream by Desiree Nick”, available from any chemist in Germany?
But that's just one small part of my empire!
God, I need a talent coordinator, as I am author of several bestselling books, theatre and film actress, raconteur, entertainer, comedy queen, dancer, revue girl - and I've been writing my own shows for fifteen years! And soon I'll be writing theatre plays! Because every time I put pen to paper, the result is fallen upon by the hungry masses - like my bestseller “EVA GO HOME”, the answer to the “Eva Principle” by the bottle-blonde newsreader and amateur sociologist whose name just slips my mind...
Oh yes, and I've been a single mum for 11 years! That is of course my greatest and most successful project to date! And I've done all this multitasking and in high-heeled shoes...sometimes even backwards!
Anything else? I can cook too - and retouch my lipstick without looking in a mirror.
What, you may ask, is in all this for you?
Well, my beloved fans, not just my newest book, which will be appearing on bookshelves in autumn 2008 - once again roar-out-loud hilarious, profound and of course so incredibly honest - but you can finally see me again on the stage; I'm appearing in the German-language premiere of the American play “SOUVENIR” in the Renaissance Theatre in Berlin from 28th June onwards!
Have a quick google to see who Florence Foster Jenkins was..THE American society lady and opera singer, the first internationally celebrated trash diva. Cole Porter and Mae West have been juts some of her greatest fans - and they all stole from her!
My American fans know all that already, Mrs FFJ is a householdname in the US - and after this wonderful play about the eccentric and in-your-face showbusiness legend was showered with prizes on Broadway, I've got the job of creating the role for the German stage.
So if you want to listen to me singing Mozart or Verdi, vitness me as a coloratura soprano and queen of the night in the Renaissance Theatre in Berlin, you'd better get your hands on some tickets pronto! After my starring role in the TV crime series SOKO 5113 on the channel ZDF on 28th January 2008 drew four million viewers, it's possible that there are a few of you who would like to see me in another terrific character role as a singing actress...and at the end of the day, that's what I've been for the last 20 years!
And as well as that, you'll be able to catch me on TV on all channels, when I come into your homes to visit you in your parlours and lounges, to distract my wonderful fans for a few hours from the misery of their pathetic existence! When I'm not on TV, then I'm having singing lessons or sessions with my dressmaker - or I'm checking my son's homework or am driving him round in the Mum-Taxi service or I've gone to the market, to buy fresh veggies for cooking meals that make him a strong and athletic guy.
Shopping is of course a much-loved pastime, my favourite place to shop is Ralph Lauren...so in fact you always know where to find me, and apart from that you can find the summary in the “Events” section.
And when I have a spare moment, I pour myself a cup of tea, which I drink out of a Meissen china cup, and read your emails with your opinions and comments about my new homepage!
By the way, I would like to clear up the uncertainty circulating in legends about my ancestry: yes, I have some East German blood in my veins, on the maternal side aristocratic blood from Weimar, on the paternal side from Dresden, so that genealogically I have Saxon-Thuringian roots. I was born in Berlin-Zehlendorf, on 30th September in case anyone wants to send me birthday presents.
Even if I do hail from the shallow end of the genetic pool, my ancestors are said to be responsible for some incredible affairs at the Viennese court and bow and then Austrians are always turning up claiming to be related to me. So, however your family tree pans out - polish your crowns, whoever you are! For we are all born naked and the rest is mere travesty!
Have fun cruising,